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Check out the W&P Joke Page!
Welcome to our collection of jokes about engineers and scientists! If you like these and want to see more, please send your contributions to Mark Patterson. :D Comprehending Engineers :: Take One
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
-------(Dramatic pause)------
"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea, and I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
Comprehending Engineers :: Take Two
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.
Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion-dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail.
In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge.
He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, "This is where your problem is."
The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service.
They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer responded briefly:
One chalk mark-----------------$1.00
Knowing where to put it---$49,999.00
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
Comprehending Engineers :: Take Three
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons.
Civil Engineers build targets.
Comprehending Engineers :: Take Four
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Comprehending Engineers :: Take Five
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Comprehending Engineers :: Take Six
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?"
Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."
Comprehending Engineers? Take Seven
An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the engineer took the frog out smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog..that's cool."
An engineering student was riding across campus on a shiny new bike. He ran into a friend of his who said "Wow, that's a great bike! Where'd ya get it?"
"Well, the darndest thing happened" said the first student. "A girl came riding up to me and got off the bike, threw off all her clothes, and said I could have anything I wanted!"
"Wow," remarked his friend. "That's great! Good move, her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
If you have ever had any difficulty with your computer, you probably will enjoy this. In Japan, they have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft error messages with their own Japanese haiku poetry, each only 17 syllables, 5 syllables in the first line, 7 in the second, five in the third.
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Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
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The Web site you seek
Can not be located but
Countless more exist.
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Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
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ABORTED effort:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.
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Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
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Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.
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First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
So beautifully.
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With searching comes loss
And the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.
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The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao-until
You bring fresh toner.
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Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.
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A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.
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Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
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You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
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Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.
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Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.
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Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank. |
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